The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.
The bar chart illustrates the
number
of mobile
phone
sales
by five major companies namely:
Samsung
, Apple,
Nokia
, LG,
ZTE
Correct word choice
and ZTE
show examples
.
Overall
,
Samsung
and
Nokia
were the most popular brands on the market.
However
,
while
the
sales
number
of
Samsung
, Apple,
ZTE
Correct word choice
and ZTE
show examples
had increased over the period, the
number
of
phones
Change the noun form
phone
show examples
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
by
Nokia
and LG had decreased. In 2009, there are
Nokia’s
Change noun form
Nokia
show examples
phone
sales
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
Samsung’s
Change noun form
Samsung
show examples
.
Samsung
sold nearly
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
250
million
units
,
while
Nokia
sold close to 450
million
units
.
In contrast
, by 2013, there was a sharp fall in the
number
of
phone
sales
by
Nokia
from over 400
million
units
to 250
million
units
and
Samsung
’s
sales
figures
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
overtaken to reach the highest point at around 450
million
units
. At the beginning of the period, around 25
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Apple’s mobile
phone
was sold in the world and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
was the lowest
figures
Fix the agreement mistake
figure
show examples
. LG sold more than 100
million
mobile phones in the world in 2009 but there was a moderate
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
from over 100
million
units
to under 100
million
units
. The
number
of
phone
sales
by Apple saw a considerable rise with the highest point around 150
million
units
while
ZTE’s
sales
figures increased slightly over the period.
Submitted by Linh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, phone, sales, samsung, nokia, million, units with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global sales
  • Mobile phone brands
  • Market share
  • Trends
  • Growth
  • Decline
  • Technological advancements
  • Innovation
  • Consumer preferences
  • Demographics
  • Market dominance
  • Brand loyalty
  • Comparative analysis
  • Sales figures
  • Data interpretation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: