IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. Do you agree or disagree?

#people
Some people think that it is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not
enjoy
Correct pronoun usage
enjoy it
show examples
，to what extent do you agree or disagree? Nowadays some employees enjoy
high- paid
Correct your spelling
high-paid
show examples
 jobs others
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
, prefer to be employed in their interesting field. I agree with the idea that employment should be the basis after that the interest is
also
 indispensable. A
job
 is important because it is important to have
money
 in order to survive in
Correct article usage
the mordern
show examples
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 world.
Money
 provides housing, gives children clothing and food, sends teens to college, and allows leisure activities, and eventually, retirement. Even without
money
, we can survive off of shelters, but they encourage us to get a
job
 and earn some
money
 on our own. It is
also
 important because it improves our self-value. Feeling useful will give our
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
 and
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
 a great boost that will encourage us to keep on trying for the best.
Also
, no one can deny the importance of
job
 satisfaction in our lives.
To begin
 with, at least
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of our waking hours
spent
Add a missing verb
are spent
show examples
 at
work
. If we are upset about being at
work
 because we don’t love what we do, we are on average a sad person.
Additionally
, it will be very difficult for us to invest in our career if we are not into what we do, what would
possess
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 us to seek out extra training, certifications, conferences and the like? It’s hard to imagine spending extra time outside of
work
 investing in something we don’t like. In conclusion, it is ok to go to
work
 just do enough so we don't get fired, and live like that. But, it is only the average way. When we want to move forward in life, we have to understand the importance of why we need to set professional, career, and
job
 goals and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
love the
work
 we do.
Submitted by lulaluclacfamily on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay should directly address the question prompt and present a clear argument for or against the statement. The introduction and conclusion should be more focused on the main topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a mix of ideas but lacks a clear overall coherence. Work on linking ideas more effectively and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: