IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. others value quality of work above appearance.

#organisations #employees #dress #value #quality #work #appearance
The graph illustrates
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
boys
 and girls graduates from
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1992 to 2007 in Canada.
Pink
Add an article
The pink
show examples
 line in the graph shows
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of girls
while
blue
Add an article
the blue
show examples
 line shows
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
boys
passed
Correct pronoun usage
who passed
show examples
 out of college. Both the male and female trends experienced ups and downs throughout the period. It is seen that the males and females line is increasing
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 the period. In
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1992
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of females
graduated
Correct pronoun usage
who graduated
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school was below 100000 and it went on increasing till the end of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1994 but after that it followed down word trend and went to the same place
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 it was in 1992. But from there it took
massive
Add an article
a massive
show examples
 hit and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
end
Add an article
the end
show examples
 of
2007
Add a comma
2007,
show examples
 it was near 150000. Similar to the females,
Correct article usage
the boys
show examples
boys
Change noun form
boys'
boy's
show examples
 graduation graph experienced the same growth. In
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1992
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
boys
graduated
Correct pronoun usage
who graduated
show examples
 from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college was around 70000. Till the end of
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1994
Add a comma
1994,
show examples
 there was
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increase in the
number
. But
then
 from
there
Add a comma
there,
show examples
 it experienced
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 trend.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2001
Add a comma
2001,
show examples
 there was a massive increase in the
number
 of graduates till 2007. Task 2
This
 essay is regarding the different
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
, which want
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 employees to wear smart formal clothes
while
 some of them are interested only in the
work
 of
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 workers. It is seen that few offices force
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 employees to wear formal
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 which they actually made
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
. But in some
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
, it
only
Add a missing verb
is only
show examples
 important that
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
come to
work
 on time and complete
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
work
 in
given
Add an article
a given
show examples
 period of time. Some organisations
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 that
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
 of wearing formal
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 is related to your personality. And it is been proved that, when you
work
 with
smart looking
Add a hyphen
smart-looking
show examples
 people and in
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 atmosphere, you try to
strech
Correct your spelling
stretch
 your ability
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
 and push yourself to achieve big goals. But some organisations think in
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
show examples
 way. They are simply interested in your
work
 because they believe that
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 and your appearance do not matter if your
work
 is neat and tidy.
There
Correct your spelling
Their
show examples
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 is that, when all the employees
work
 together without thinking of
any other thing
Correct your spelling
anything anything
show examples
then
work
, will produce
great
Correct word choice
greater
show examples
 output
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 others. I know a lady in my office wore a traditional saree
instead
 of wearing formal
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
. Her salary, of half
Correct article usage
a day
show examples
day
Add the comma(s)
day,
show examples
 was cut and she was scolded by a manager because of
this
. It degrades
Correct article usage
the moral
show examples
moral
Correct your spelling
morale
show examples
 of
a
Change the article
an
show examples
employee when it comes to wearing what others tell you to wear. He or she cannot perform up to the mark. In my opinion, wearing formal
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 is not important. But one should be neat, tidy and clean. Wearing smart
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not play
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
show examples
 role
wen
Correct your spelling
when
show examples
 you have to
work
 with
bunch
Add an article
a bunch
show examples
 of people
who’s
Correct your spelling
whose
show examples
aim is to complete
work
 and not look smart.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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