The graphs below show the post-school qualifications held by Australians in the age groups 25 to 34 and 55 to 69.

The graphs below show the post-school qualifications held by Australians in the age groups 25 to 34 and 55 to 69.
The pie chart illustrates the various age groups of Australians who hold a post-school qualification and
also
their main field of study in percentages respectively.
Overall
, in both the ages social sciences and arts were the highest
percent
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per cent
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,
while
the minimum percentage of them are qualified in administration, architecture and other. The Australians of age 25-34
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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Correct article usage
a totally
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totally
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total
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357,500
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of 357,500
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, out of which 19.48% of them chose Social science and Arts.
However
,
people
who opted for Administration and Science, Maths,
Information
Correct word choice
and Information
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Technology were 19.08% and 18.19%.
Moreover
, the combined percentage of Education and Engineering is 24.12%,
while
those having medicine and law degrees are 7.40% and 5.54%.
Finally
, students who acquired qualifications in Others, Veterinary and Agriculture and
in
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apply
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Architecture were 2.24%, 2.10% and 1.85%.
On the other hand
,
people
who hold a degree between the
age
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ages
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55-69
were
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apply
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totally 104,800.
However
,
people
who gained a degree in social sciences, arts and engineering were the highest with 20.42% and 19.27% respectively.
Moreover
,
people
who graduated in administration and education were 14.90% and 13.17%,
while
the combined percentage of medicine and science, maths graduates
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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21.46%.
Finally
,
people
who are qualified in law, architecture, other and veterinary, agriculture are 3.34%, 2.96%, 2.48% and 2%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, however, moreover, while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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