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Band 4.5

Some industrialized countries have serious environmental problems. The damage to the environment is an inevitable result when a country tends to improve the standard of living. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#countries #damage #environment #country
In recent times, most countries in a bit to develop the economy has taken into industrialization,
this
 has in no doubt improved the living conditions of its citizens as it has
also
 brought about some drawbacks in the society
such
 as increased pollution and over congested urban cities. In my opinion,
this
 development is more damaging to the society.
To begin
, new industries come to life on a daily basis with the aim of eradicating poverty and creating employment without effectively considering the effect of these structures
to
Change preposition
on
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 their environment. The later effect of
this
 act increases noise and air pollution, which usually end up affecting the health of the habitats in that locality.
For example
, current research shows that both industrial and residential buildings are erected in the same area,
making
Verb problem
causing
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 the pollution created by industries to affect people who are meant to be relaxing at home.
In addition
,
mega cities
Correct your spelling
megacities
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 that experience rapid growth in the number of their industries are often affected
with over
Change preposition
by
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 population
due to
 the fact that job seekers migrate from the countryside in search of greener pastures,
this
 is a serious issue which has put the government in a state of dilemma and at present research is being conducted on the way to resolve
this
 issue.
For instance
, individuals can hardly get a grasp of their time
due to
 long hours spent
in
Change preposition
apply
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travelling to and fro work,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 daily experience in traffic is disheartening.
To conclude
, the negative effect of industrialization
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the economy has to be
checkmated
Verb problem
checked
show examples
 to ensure that it does not endanger the lives of the citizens and results in shortening the life span of the people.

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task response
Ensure that your essay directly engages with the question prompt and fully addresses all aspects of the topic. Your arguments should be clearly related to the given topic and clearly express your opinion on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing the essay in a more coherent manner. Ensure that there is a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Connect your ideas more logically and use linking words to improve the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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