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Band 5.5

Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money?

#celebrities #money
It is sometimes argued that we pay many thousands of movie stars and famous sports players massive
amount
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amounts
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 of money, especially in today’s
entertainment focused
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entertainment-focused
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 world. In my opinion, it is so wrong to waste our money on those professions and I will explain why in
this
 essay.
First
Correct article usage
The first
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 and foremost vital argument is that celebs are apparently less important than teachers, nurses and other social care workers. These professionals do
works
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work
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 that
have
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has
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 a direct impact on our daily lives.
For example
, when a person is injured from a road accident, he/she will definitely need the help of a doctor in lieu of a song to listen to or a movie to watch. A second illustration can be seen in the case of criminal activities like bank robbers or terrorism. In those emergent circumstances, the police force is all
what
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that
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 we are in urgent need of in order to safeguard innocent citizens as opposed to singers or film superstars. Another dispute against the idea of extremely well-paid celebrities is that some of those public figures sometimes are poor role models for our younger generations. By
this
, I mean that
such
 big names often waste their money on extravagant lifestyles,
for instance
, buying luxury cars or shopping for deluxe handbags on a weekly basis. Some of them even spread
a
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the
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 negative idea that success can be achieved without finishing school.
As a result
 of
this
, many children
of
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apply
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ours
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apply
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might eventually
get dropped
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drop
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 out of school and become a burden to society in the long term. Again, we can see that famous people should not be overpaid in terms of creating equality in the general public and ensuring its proper function in the long run. In conclusion, it appears to me that it is totally absurd to pay enormous salaries
for
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to
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 personalities whose jobs do not improve our quality of life on a daily basis.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Connect ideas with appropriate linking words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task question and provide specific examples to support your ideas. Consider offering a balanced viewpoint by acknowledging potential counterarguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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