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Band 4.5

Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. How true is this statement? What can tourists do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments?

#people #tourism #effects #countries #travel #tourists #cultures #environments
Many
countries
 which
hold
Wrong verb form
are held
show examples
 by
tourism
 have to allow large numbers of visitors and equip facilities as holidaymakers need.
Tourism
 can develop
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 in its
countries
, but it causes many problems too. In
this
 essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 clarify about
factual
Replace the word
facts
show examples
 of the negative impact of
tourism
. In my view,
tourism
 brings some harmful impacts and it puts pressure on local society.
Increasing
Correct article usage
The increasing
show examples
 of
tourists
 can make uncomfortable local community
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want to do something in their own areas.
Furthermore
, there occurs a rise in the cost of living which affects local people.
Also
, the price of goods, services and housing may increase significantly, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 caused by
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of
tourists
 in
tourism
.
In addition
,
tourism
 can
also
 have bad effects on the natural environment. The building of facilities
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 hotels can damage the natural areas of
tourism
 and destroy wildlife habitats too.
Then
, the large amount of
tourists
 can
rise
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 the amount of pollution and waste in its areas which is caused by
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of traffic and visitors. All of these are really destructive
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
countries
. Commonly, I believe that there is some solution which
tourists
 can do to reduce the worst effects of
tourism
. If holidaymakers want to go on holiday, they should think
where
Change preposition
about where
show examples
 they will go and choose
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 place which is not overcrowded.
Also
, they should think
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
 to minimize pollution and rubbish if they want to visit and leave some places on their holiday. To put them in a nutshell,
touris
Correct your spelling
tourism
 gives many benefits to its
countries
.
Whereas
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors should pay attention more
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the negative effects of
tourism
 on the local community and environment
over there
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by eve.venus61 on

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task response
The essay outlines some negative impacts of tourism, but should provide a more balanced view by considering positive impacts as well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks overall coherence and cohesion. It is important to structure the essay with clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Additionally, use of transition words and phrases will help to link ideas together more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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