IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that new technologies like mobiles kills social interaction . Do you agree or disagree ?

#people #technologies #mobiles #interaction
In
this
 Sophisticated era, Technology has been changing rapidly with the advent of new devices.It is often considered by some
people
 that modern inventions
such
 as Mobiles
damaging
Replace the word
damage
show examples
 Public communications, which is not true because of the reasons which I will explain
further
 in
this
 essay.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Mobile phones are useful in many ways, the main idea behind
this
 invention is to improve the interaction between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 across the world. Cell phones are being improvised with many latest features which
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
 us to communicate more effectively.
For instance
, with the evolution of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, Video calling facilities
has
Wrong verb form
have had
show examples
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
users
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
enables
Wrong verb form
enabling
show examples
 them to interact with their friends and families across the globe. Evidently,
people
 found it easier to talk with their
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
show examples
 ones
instead
 of writing emails.
However
, we should not forget the role of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 which is shaping the world of technology with
a new interventions
Correct the article-noun agreement
new interventions
a new intervention
show examples
such
 as Facebook,
what's app
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
 and Twitter.These social media applications have gone to an extent where they have been acting as a bridge between
people
 and
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.Almost all prominent leaders are utilising
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
this
 platforms to interact, discuss and collaborate with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society directly.
For example
,
Donal trump
Correct your spelling
Donald Trump
show examples
 himself agreed that digital media platforms aid him
to deliver
Change preposition
in delivering
show examples
 speeches, addressing the nation in a more affluent way compared to public gatherings. In conclusion, Technology has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
evolved
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 two decades. Some
people
 live in a false notion that mobiles would kill communications. I disagree with
this
 thought and believe that cell phones always strive to improve indefinite interactions between humans and could emerge as the most powerful tool in terms of communication in the coming days.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a more balanced discussion by addressing potential drawbacks of mobile technology on social interaction, followed by a counterargument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is linked to the main topic and that the flow of ideas is cohesive throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face communication
  • instant messaging
  • social skills
  • nonverbal cues
  • distractions
  • notifications
  • social media
  • echo chambers
  • diverse perspectives
  • social connectivity
  • online communities
  • transcend
  • social integration
  • remote areas
What to do next:
Look at other essays: