IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
A number of environmentalists and specialists are arguing on major environmental calamities. Some claim that
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of animal species
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
the major problem of
this
 century,
while
 others believe that there are more problems to be concerned
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
. I reckon that losing
animals
 is considered a crisis that will lead us all to demise,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the world must pay heed to other environmental crises. Advocates of the first opinion believe that the unbalance in
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
show examples
 resulting from
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
 of
a vast numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a vast number
vast numbers
show examples
 of
animals
 will have lamentable consequences. With the vanishing of a kind of species, the proportions of others will be changed.
For instance
, if a type of
lions
Fix the agreement mistake
lion
show examples
disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappears
show examples
, its prey namely zebras will rise in number, resulting in
overeating
Correct article usage
the overeating
show examples
 of grass.
This
 will have drastic effects on the balance of nature, eventually affecting us negatively in different ways.
On the other hand
, some scientists think that there are more important problems like global warming. Global warming affects us directly so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientists believe we have to put more effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 finding a solution to it,
instead
 of wasting our energy in saving
animals
.
Although
 both are considered vital,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they demand that we have to think
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 saving ourselves before saving plants or
animals
.
In addition
, some experts reckon that the efforts done to save wildlife are much as they believe that it is not a crisis yet. In conclusion, saving our ecosystem is a
life saving
Add a hyphen
life-saving
show examples
 case. Whether by saving
animals
 or finding solutions to worldwide ecological issues, man
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to put all
its
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 financial and physical efforts
to prevent
Change preposition
into preventing
show examples
collapse
Add an article
the collapse
a collapse
show examples
 of our planet.
Submitted by yasseramr80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: