IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that one good way to promote world peace is through international sporting events, while others think that it is not. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #world #peace #events
It is thought by some
people
 that international sporting
events
 are an effective medium of promoting
world
 peace,
while
 other
people
 think that it is a waste of time and money. In my opinion, I agree that International sporting
events
, promote peace by bringing all the
countries
 of the
world
 on one stage and bringing cultures together.
Firstly
, in international sporting
events
, all the
countries
 of the
world
 participate and come together on the same stage.
In other words
, all the
countries
 compete in these
events
 irrespective of their geographical,
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 and political differences. The best example of an international sporting event
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 the Olympics. In the Olympics, all the athletes and the representatives of the
world
 meet and greet each other.
This
 brings harmony among the nations which leads to an
overall
 truce in the
world
.
Secondly
, international sporting
events
 increase international reconciliation by encouraging
people
 to travel to different
countries
 and making them
by understanding
Change preposition
understand
show examples
 their culture, heritage, and religion. As these
events
 take place in different
countries
,
people
 travel to the hosting country to cheer and celebrate their country's team.
Consequently
,
people
 understand the culture, tradition, history, and language of the organizing country.
This
 promotes globalization, leading to a better understanding among
people
.
Finally
, international
events
 lead to
world
 accord by providing funds to
countries
 in calamities or natural disasters. The international
events
 are organized by global committees which
also
 raise funds through these
events
 to help
countries
 in need.
This
 strengthens the bond between the
countries
,
thus
 improving their relations. In conclusion, in my opinion, international sporting
events
 bring
countries
 together at a stage where they meet, discuss and help each other, which in turn leads to
world
 peace.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • world peace
  • international sporting events
  • understanding
  • unity
  • cultural exchange
  • diplomacy
  • shared purpose
  • common goals
  • reduce tensions
  • conflicts
  • positive nationalism
  • fair play
  • sportsmanship
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • break down stereotypes
  • prejudice
  • dialogue
  • communication
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