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Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption in billion kWh of electricity in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption in billion kWh of electricity in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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This
 bar chart illustrates information about the ten most popular
states
 for the manufacturing and expenditures of
the
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electricity in the year 2014.
Overall
, it can be seen that
China
 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
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States
 were of the highest rank,
while
 the other
states
 were less favoured.
Furthermore
, the
production
 was relatively higher than the consumption. The largest
production
 was in
China
, with 5.398 billion kWh.
At
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The
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the
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second
 place became the United
States
, with a
number
, which was approximately 1.100 less than
China
.
Furthermore
, Russia, Japan and India experienced relatively the same amount, between 1.057 and 871. The rest of the places experienced a smaller
number
 between 618.9 and 485.1. In
the
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consumption, the largest segment was
China
, with an amount of 5.322.
This
 was about 70 billion kWh less than the
production
 in the country.
Then
 the United
States
 showed a
number
 of 3.866 as the most desired state in the chart. Russia, Japan and India showed a rate of 1.057, 856.7 and 698.8.
Moreover
, all those other countries experienced a relatively lower rate than the
production
, except for Germany, which showed a
number
 of 582.5.
Submitted by rehanauddin9 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words states, china, production, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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