The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy.

#show #results #survey #people #age #groups

The pie charts compare information about the main factors to make happy

according to

two age

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

( under 30 and over 30 )

Overall

It is clear that

both age

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

present similarities and differences. Both age

grouos

Correct your spelling

groups

consider that achievement at work

bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

them the highest percentage of happiness. Doing hobbies represent the

second

largest percentage.

Firstly

, it can be observed that achievement at work

account

Correct subject-verb agreement

accounts

show examples

for 63 % of

happiness

Correct article usage

the happiness

show examples

factor

collectevitly

Correct your spelling

collectively

Moreover

, 22% of

people

who are under 30 said that hobbies make

then

Correct your spelling

them

show examples

happy. It can be seen

almonst

Correct your spelling

almost

amongst

the same amount of

people

( 22%) over 30 that consider a leisure time an

importan

Correct your spelling

important

reason to be happy. Turning to the differences,

it is clear that

having a good

apparence

Correct your spelling

appearance

and travelling

represent

Change the verb form

represents

show examples

an essential factor for young

people

comprised

Wrong verb form

comprising

show examples

18 % and 15 % respectively.

In contrast

people

who are over 30

gives

Correct subject-verb agreement

give

show examples

more priority to

Correct your spelling

financial

finantial

Correct your spelling

financial

security ( 20 %) and being with family ( 14 %)

Thu Apr 02 2020

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

167 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy.

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.

It is important for foreigners to know something about the history and culture of the country they live in.’ Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Few people say that at all levels of education from primary school to university, too much time is spent on learning facts and no enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree?

The mass media ,including television ,radio and newspaper have great influence in shaping people's idea. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people say that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while other believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.