Gone are the days when children dreamed of becoming doctors and nurses – today’s children want to become YouTubers or vloggers. According to a survey of 1,000 children aged six to 17, more than three quarters of them say they’d consider a career in online videos. It is dangerous for kids to aspire to become a YouTube sensation.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #doctors #nurses #today’s #youtubers #vloggers #survey #six #three #quarters #they’d #career #videos #kids #youtube #sensation

Modern society has seen significant changes in the way children

choosing

Wrong verb form

choose jobs based

show examples

job

-based on their interests.

That is

to say, there has been a considerable increase in the number of young people considering a

career

in online videos as their ideal

jobs

Fix the agreement mistake

job

show examples

such

as vloggers or YouTubers. It is commonly believed that these kinds of

job

is not an optimal way to

career

success and may have a negative impact on the youngster.

This

essay is going to explain my argument against the opinion. First and all, the aforementioned viewpoint could be incorrect because doing what children like keeps them motivated and

therefore

leads to

career

growth. It means that the young generation who love their jobs can easily excel in their fields of work and achieve better results than those pursuing what they do not enjoy. My brother perfectly exemplifies

this

practice, as he has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

dreamed of becoming a Youtuber, but his parents do not agree and he had to do his

job

without the feeling of satisfaction and complete success. That’s why it is more crucial to choose the kind of work that makes you happy than to look only at the disappointing

aspect

Fix the agreement mistake

aspects

show examples

. A second major reason to pursue a

career

in online videos is the change in modern life. Currently, thanks to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technological conveniences, becoming a Youtuber or

vloggers

Fix the agreement mistake

vlogger

show examples

brings young people more

marvelous

Change the spelling

marvellous

show examples

opportunities than other jobs. Despite the fact that it seems notoriously difficult, these people could have more chances to develop their careers.

That is

the reason why I

convinced

Add a missing verb

am convinced

show examples

that an ideal

job

for youngsters. In conclusion, I am certain that choosing a

job

such

Youtuber

Correct article usage

a Youtuber

show examples

vloggers

Fix the agreement mistake

vlogger

show examples

would be beneficial for the young generation

instead

of saying it has a negative impact on them.

Submitted by hienlinh709 on Fri Apr 10 2020

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

295 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

More people are shopping online today than ever before. Why do people choose to shop this way? Are there any disadvant ages to shopping online?

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages? Two of each at least

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living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems to what statement do you agree or disagree with this statement.