The diagram below shows the changes, which took place in a coastal area called Pentland from 1950 to 2007

The diagram below shows the changes, which took place in a coastal area  called Pentland from 1950 to 2007
The maps show the changes, which accrued in a coastal town,
Pentland
between 1950 and 2007. It can be seen that the area developed a lot in the given period of 57 years.
Overall
,
Pentland
was an industrial area flattened around it and grassland to the west. Over the period, the
Pentland
was completely transformed with the addition of a
park
, shop and cinema;
however
, the eastern part of the
Pentland
was
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
park
knocked-down
Correct your spelling
knocked down
show examples
and after was constructed apartments and shops. The most noticeable additions were the multi-storey, car
park
, swimming pool,
park
Correct word choice
and park
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instead
of industrial area in the northwest between 1950 and 2007. Grassland was cleared
,
Remove the comma
apply
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after was built shops and cinema. A car
park
was replaced
apartments
Change preposition
with apartments
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on the east coast of the
Pentland
. Grassland was
put-down
Correct your spelling
put down
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after being
instead
of reconstructed shops and houses
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
57 years.
In addition
, Yach Marina was built near the sea on the north.
Submitted by no6302787 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "instead".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words pentland, park with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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