IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

These days, it seems that an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some of the effects of rural depopulation (migration from the country to the city and suggest some ways on which this trend could be reversed.

#people #areas #city #effects #depopulation #migration #country #trend
While
country
 towns were once vibrant and growing places, these days many appear to be dying as
people
 move to the city in search of work and excitement. In
this
 essay, I intend to discuss the impact of
this
 problem
as well as
 how more
people
 could be encouraged to live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural areas. Surprisingly, the most serious consequences of rural depopulation are often felt in urban areas.
As a result
 of overcrowding, cities throughout the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
 today are
increasing
Change the word
increasingly
show examples
 prone to
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 problems like air, water and noise pollution. Beijing is a particularly good example of
this
.
Further
, the uncontrolled growth of cities
also
 gives rise to social problems
such
 as high unemployment, crime and in less affluent countries, the creation of slums. Clearly, there is a limit to how many
people
 can live in one area before living standards are negatively influenced. In order to stem the tide of rural depopulation, I believe we must first address its root causes. At the heart of the matter is the disparity between services and facilities in the
country
 and those in the city. I firmly believe that urban and rural dwellers alike would find the idea of
country
 life far more appealing if
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 shopping centres, cinemas, swimming pools, restaurants, libraries, schools and hospitals were more readily available in the
country
. One
further
 method of attracting
people
 to the
country
 would be for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to provide financial incentives to business and professional workers who willingly relocate to rural areas. In reality,
this
 problem is unlikely to be resolved in the short term.
However
, it is by no means insurmountable, and I am convinced that more
people
 will choose the
country
 as city life becomes less comfortable and more expensive.
Submitted by diyorbek.world on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: