The graph bellow shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2010.

The graph bellow shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2010.
The line graph illustrates how many people
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
traded in three
sectors
(Public, Private and Self- employed) of the economy in the UK, 2000-2010.
Overall
, what
stand
Change the verb form
stands
show examples
out from the graph both the self-employed and public part contracting
rates
rose
considerable
Change preposition
for considerable
show examples
periods of time,
while
private region
rates
declined dramatically. If we compare that sector, as
regard
Change the form of the verb
regards
show examples
that though given information, we can see all
sectors
service
rates
began in 2000. At that time
additionally
, there was
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
between them, public region
rates
, which were
approximate
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
38%, private district
rates
almost
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
50% and self-employed
rates
were under 20%. After that, private district
rates
decreased dramatically till
end
Add an article
the end
show examples
of time, which was in 2010 and its
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
20 %.
Nevertheless
, another two
sectors
which are
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
and
self hiring
Add a hyphen
self-hiring
show examples
sectors
, we can see plenty of people
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
employed.
They
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Both of them rose steadily, sometimes dropped a bit, and
finally
surged 10% more than the beginning. In 2010,
self-employed
Correct article usage
the self-employed
show examples
part was 20%,
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
public region
rates
were the highest with just over 50%.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sectors, rates with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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