IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The two graphs below show the percentage of smokers and the consumption of alcohol in litres in selected countries for the period 1960-2000. Write a report for a lecturer describing the information in the graphs.

The two graphs below show the percentage of smokers and the consumption of alcohol in litres in selected countries for the period 1960-2000. Write a report for a lecturer describing the information in the graphs.
#two #graphs #show #percentage #smokers #consumption #alcohol #litres #countries #period #report #lecturer #information
The given two-line graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the terms of proportion of smoking and
alcohol
 in litres
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
taken by people daily in four various regions
such
 as
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, Japan,
Holland
 and Turkey in four decades
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1960 and 2000.
In
Change preposition
Overall
show examples
overall
,
Holland
 constituted a major for smokers and
alcohol
 drinkers whilst
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 amount of both items were consumed by American and Turkish.
However
, there were lots of
transformation
Fix the agreement mistake
transformations
show examples
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be noticed in the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people who smoke and drink regularly in all the nations over the periods. With regards to an initial chart, between 1960 and 1980, the
Holland
 natives
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 most popular for smoking every day which accounted
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 nearly three-fifths to above
twofifths
Correct your spelling
two-fifths
two fifths
 followed by Japan (approximately a half).
After
this
, in the upcoming 2 decades, the percentage of humans who smoke daily
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started
decreased
Change the verb form
to decrease
show examples
 dramatically
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 over 30% in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both countries.
Likewise
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
America accounted for 40%
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 regular smokers during 1960 and experienced a little less than
two- fold
Add a hyphen
two-fold
show examples
declined
Replace the word
decline
show examples
 to approximately a fifth
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period. The
second
 graph proves that
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 amount of
Holland
 and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
drinking
alcohol
 in litres
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 found 11%, 10%, 9%, 8% and 4% respectively between 1980, 1970 and 1960.
In contrast
, the two given regions were showing ups and downs
figure
Correct subject-verb agreement
figures
show examples
 and following in zig zag trends in the remaining twenty years.
Lastly
,
alcohol
 consumption in litres per person for Turkey remained relatively constant at 2% in all given years

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words alcohol, holland with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: