the chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US
The given bar chart demonstrates
a
data about how many people have attacks of heart in the US each year.
At the first glance, Correct article usage
apply
it is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
men
are more dominant than women with this
illness. And most of the patients who
Change the pronoun
whom
Add an article
the victim
victim
of Fix the agreement mistake
victims
this
disease include people who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
over
Add a missing verb
are over
65years
Correct your spelling
65 years
olds
.
Correct your spelling
old
Initially
,we can see that,
Remove the comma
apply
this
illness appears in a few adults only. The men's
quantity between 29 and 44ages oppressed Change noun form
men
from
these attacks include 123 Change preposition
by
thousand
. While
the women who in
these ages involve 3 Add a missing verb
are in
thousand
only. So this
disaster more
effects Add a missing verb
has more
to
Change preposition
on
men
than women. This
year, most of residents
of Add an article
the residents
US
Correct article usage
the US
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
from
Add a missing verb
are from
45to
64 suffered from that more than younger ones.
Correct your spelling
45 to
Additionally
, the retired male include
424 Change the verb form
includes
thousand
. Meanwhile, the account of females is small else, and they involve 136 thousand
of
patients who prey to heart attacks. The figure Change preposition
apply
of
the Change preposition
for
next
type of residents who over
Add a missing verb
are over
than
65 is the pick point of the graph. The 440 Change preposition
apply
thousand
of
Change preposition
apply
men
getting sick. Furthermore
, the females' quantity jumped up in these ages, and they involve 574 thousand
.Submitted by jamolkh2002 on
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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