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Band 4.5

Many people today are choosing to travel to other countries. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #travel #countries #development
Nowadays, most
people
 are motivated to explore other places all around the world. In my opinion, through having a trip to other countries,
people
 can be familiar with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other cultural diversity and
obtaining
Wrong verb form
obtain
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 more information about various lifestyles, which can be seen as a beneficial point for
people
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Firstly
, some
people
 travel to new places to discover more details about the civilization that residents of new destinations have in their lives.
This
 can be, especially for those who are interested in studying history.
In other words
, many individuals want to learn more about conventions that become ubiquitous in new countries. Another reason for the popularity of travelling to other nations is that
besides
 relaxing during their journey,
people
also
 want to acquire more knowledge about how they live in other countries. To illustrate
this
, based on recent research,
people
 who travel to new places have a happier life and can struggle better with their issues based on
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 experience that gained during their trip.
Finally
, the trend of exploring other soils is undoubtedly beneficial and can help
people
 find their place in the world. Almost everyone has an optimistic approach
in
Change preposition
to
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 knowing the real position of their own country, among others.
For example
, when time-honoured culture merges with novel
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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,
people
realized
Wrong verb form
realise
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in
Change preposition
that
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 their travel, can improve their level of living
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to modern civilization. In conclusion, it can be advantageous for
people
 to learn more about other nations. It would be useful for those interested in travelling all around the world to find new things about the culture, tradition, and lifestyle of inhabitants in new destinations.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are evident but need further development to clearly outline the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The response addresses the task but could be more comprehensive in explaining the reasons for the trend and its consequences. Provide more specific examples and expand on the reasons.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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