IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #internet #communities
It is often considered by some that the
internet
 has promoted unity amongst the populace,
while
 others insist it has increased separation in communities and amongst
people
 at large. In my opinion,I believe the
world
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 the
internet
 to achieve better
communication
 as it gives the public a chance of
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 rate of socialization. On the one hand, some believe that
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 plays a significant part in the unification of
people
 by fostering a great level of
communication
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 them and I agree. One reason for
this
 is that the
internet
 has evolved to help attain the bond and closeness
people
 need,to wade off barriers of not being in physical contact with the next person.
For example
,utilizing
communication
 apps
such
 as
zoom
Capitalize word
Zoom
show examples
,WhatsApp call,face time,
Facebook
Correct word choice
and Facebook
show examples
 have been found blissful in connecting with
people
 all over the
world
,
hence
 promoting socialization.
Furthermore
,the cyber
world
 has eased the absenteeism gap immensely,where times past we would have to travel for occasions but nowadays events
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
naming ceremonies,birthdays,weddings,
graduations
Correct word choice
and graduations
show examples
,
hold
Wrong verb form
are held
show examples
 on these platforms which gives a feeling of involvement and participation.
On the other hand
, other
people
 say the
internet
 is not the antidote to bring the
world
 together as it leaves a strain by isolating citizens and their communities.
This
 is because
people
 spend so much time on these online platforms,which reduces interaction amongst individuals and their communities.
For instance
,in the
world
 at large,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
 find solace in buying goods online,which almost eradicates opportunities for those selling in physical stores to make good sales. These
people
also
 attest that the
internet
 has
birth
Wrong verb form
birthed
show examples
wide
Correct article usage
a wide
show examples
 gap of closeness
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 families.The youths nowadays will rather share their secrets and struggles with
people
 online
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
than meet
people
 in their immediate environment for advice. In conclusion,
while
people
 may vary in their opinion, I believe the
internet
 is important to help encourage better
communication
 amongst humans and improve the likelihood of effective socialization in the
world
 at large.
Submitted by Chisom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main points and show a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task and provides a clear opinion. Support your ideas with relevant and specific examples.
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