IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

IN SOME COUNTRIES AN INCREASING NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE SUFERING FROM HEALTH PROBLEMS AS A RESULT OF EATING TOO MUCH FAST FOOD. IT IS THEREFORE NECCESARY FOR GOVERNMENTS TO IMPOSE A HIGHER TAX ON THIS KIND OF FOOD

#countries #people #health #food #neccesary #governments #tax
Government
 in many countries is getting close and closer nowadays, which means in will not be responsible for person's remuneration.As a matter of fact, it depends on
headquarters
Suggestion
the headquarters
 of each section in a
country
.We want to scrutinize whether
government
Suggestion
the government
 must specify a maximum
amount
 for people's earning or existing a few but really affluent is significant for others. Unquestionably restricting money to some people will have uncertain and unpredictable future for others
likewise
 permission of
government
 for
amount
Suggestion
the amount
 of salary can provide indiscriminate life for everyone. Several people who have
numerous
Suggestion
numerous amounts
a numerous amount
amount
 of money
(
Accept space
(
in a
country
) can determine and change
price
Suggestion
prices
 of goods.
For instance
, if an affluent person purchased all papers in that
country
, he/she could increased
price
 of paper all of a sudden.
subsequently
Suggestion
Subsequently
price
Suggestion
the price
 of book
,
Accept space
,
magazine, newspaper and
somethings
Suggestion
some things
 like these will go to the
toppest
make brown and crisp by heating
toast
toughest
cheapest
 level of itself.
On the other hand
, if
salary
Suggestion
the salary amount
amount
 of people is restricted by
government
, no one will not be able to change things fee except jurisdiction in
government
Suggestion
the government
.
consequently everyone
Accept comma addition
Consequently, everyone
Consequently everyone
 lives under equal circumstances. On the whole, every person in that
country
 is going to encounter with unpredictable future owing to people who have the most power
want
Suggestion
to want
 to change
price
Suggestion
prices
 of things but with different restriction from
government
 these changes is not going to happen. Whenever some specific persons have the maximum
amount
 of money
,
Accept space
,
no one can improve different aspects of him/herself.
Submitted by Mohammad Mehdi Alizadeh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: