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Band 4

Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

#people #birth #thirties #development #support
Today’s
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In today’s
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 world, a new generation
trend
Correct your spelling
tends
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 to create their own families when they reach thirty age, which was totally different in the past. I
am
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apply
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highly
recommending
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recommend
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this
 attitude in our new world, and I believe that the advantages of
this
 trend
is overshadowing
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overshadow
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 the drawbacks. In
this
 essay, I will explain
the
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apply
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both sides of
views
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view
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 and support my opinion as well. On one hand, a majority of
individuals'
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individuals
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trend
Correct your spelling
tend
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 to have their own families, when they are thirties, as
in
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at
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 that certain age they almost completed their studies and started their business direction. Those abilities help them to be able to take the responsibility of having a family. Presently, both male and female
has
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have
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 been
following
this
 concept in life. As, they believe that
establish
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establishing
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 a family requires lots of things,
such
 as having a house,
stable
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a stable
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 job and sufficient money as well.
For instance
, In
Canada
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Canada,
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 most
of
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apply
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individuals start to have a family when they have financial and social skills.
In contrast
, in the past people
have
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had
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 an easier life with
less challenge
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fewer challenges
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, which made them start their
family
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families
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 earlier.
Moreover
, strong
relationship
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relationships
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 between small
family
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families
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 and big
family
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families
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 give great help to small, new
family
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families
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.
Also
, most of the ladies in the past were not working and in some regions not even go to school.
For
this
 reason, most of the family
encourages
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encourage
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 their children to get married earlier.
For example
, in18th century people used to start their
family
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families
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 in
the
Change the word
their
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 twenties and
got
Verb problem
have
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 lots of babies.
To sum up
, I think in our new
worlds
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world
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 it is so difficult to start
family
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a family
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 before the thirties, because of all the responsibility and challenge people need to face now.
Submitted by hala koraim on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks relevant specific examples to support the points made. More specific examples and evidence are needed to fully support the ideas presented.
coherence and cohesion
The essay needs a clearer structure with improved transition between paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion. Additionally, more attention should be given to the introduction and conclusion to improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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