Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?
People
hold different views on whether or not violence
from television
and computer
games
gives
harmful effects . Verb problem
has
However
in my personal view, it is believed that Add a comma
However,
this
factor negatively affects people
's behaviour because of two aspects. First of all, there are abundance
of Add an article
an abundance
violence
exposure in television
and computer
games
that can be accessed easily by people
. In return to
Change preposition
apply
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
, people
become habituated with
all Change preposition
to
those
Correct determiner usage
the
violence
in television
and games
, like fighting , abusing , cursing words, etc, and unconsciously imitate those inCorrect pronoun usage
their
For instance
, nowadays, many students say things harshly to their teachers or older people
because they get used to those rude acts dramas
. Correct word choice
and dramas
Secondly
, violence
parts from Replace the word
violent
television
and computer
games
are often considered as good things by the audiences. What causes this
is, those
Correct word choice
that those
violence
parts Replace the word
violent
frequently done
by the protagonist in those media and get a lot of recognition from Add the auxiliary verb
are frequently done
people
. The younger generation, who are still not able to differentiate the good and bad parts, will tend to assume all of those acts as positive ones. Thus
, they are inspired to imitate the
aggressive acts in real life. As an example, many children are obsessed with Superheroes in movies and video Correct article usage
apply
games
who destroy the monsters or villains by attacking them, so they duplicate the attacking behavior
to their siblings or friends. In conclusion, I think Change the spelling
behaviour
television
and computer
games
clearly give
Verb problem
have
damaging
impact on society, especially young Correct article usage
a damaging
people
, due to
those exposure and imitation factors.Submitted by T S on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite