IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #proportions #british #students #university #england #languages #addition #english #summarise #information #features #comparisons
These charts show us
tthe
Correct your spelling
the
 data about
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
students
 of
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 university in England speaking
languages
 other than
Engliah
Correct your spelling
English
 in
Change the article
the year
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2000 and in 2010. As we can see that majority of
students
 speak at least one extra
language
 other than
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
,
while
 some
students
 even speak two other
languages
. In the
year
 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
students
 were only using
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
whereas
 in the
year
2010
Add a comma
,2010
show examples
this
 percentage fell way down to 10%. If we talk about
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2000, most of the
students
 were able to speak
spanish
Change the capitalization
Spanish
show examples
, which is about 30% followed by german and another
language
 at 15%. But in 2010 Spanish speakers rose to 35%
along with
 another
language
 which experienced an increase of 5%
while
 German remained at 15%. The
students
Correct quantifier usage
number of students
show examples
 speaking two other
languages
also
 increased
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 5% in 10 years. The
languages
 like German and French both are at 10% in 2010
along with
students
 speaking no other
language
.
Overall
 it can be concluded that as time is passing by
students
 are becoming
more keen
Replace the words
keener
show examples
 to learn
languages
.
Submitted by zoyapervez21 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "along with, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, languages, year, language with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: