The descripted two pie charts depict the domiciliary energy usage of Australian people by means of the household appliances and the amount of detrimental gases caused by each direction of energy use.

The descripted two pie charts depict the domiciliary energy usage of Australian people by means of the household appliances and the amount of detrimental gases caused by each direction of energy use.
The first chart shows that
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heating requires the highest utilization of
energy
power,
controversely
Correct your spelling
controversy
controversially
,
cooling
Correct article usage
the cooling
show examples
system is the appliance demanding the lowest rate of
energy
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
2% and
also
manufacturing the minimum amount of greenhouse gases. Water heating stands out in the
second
highest place with
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
third
percentage in the side of
energy
usage,
although
it is the most detrimental appliance that
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
the most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greenhouse gas emissions.
According to
the proportions of
energy
use, three
direction
Change to a plural noun
directions
show examples
such
as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
refrigeration, lighting and other appliances cause approximately two times more gas emissions than the quantity of
energy
utilization of those devices.
Overall
, it seems that depending on variations
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the rate of household
energy
use, the dose of greenhouse gas emissions
revealing
Wrong verb form
revealed
show examples
to the atmosphere changes and that dependence between
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
of
energy
and
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
of gases can be inversely proportional in certain directions.
Submitted by zalovagunel1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: