In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?
Father
and Fix the agreement mistake
Fathers
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
are playing
equally essential Wrong verb form
play
roles
in the process of their children
's growing up. However
, in some countries, their importance and responsibilities are quite different. In this
essay
I will analyse the reasons and discuss the possible changes of their Add a comma
essay,
roles
in the future.
There are several reasons for the difference of father and mother in some countries due to
their traditional societal structure. On the one hand, in some countries, men are carrying on the responsibility as a
breadwinner of a family. Their main tasks are supporting Correct article usage
the
family
financially. Add an article
the family
As a consequence
, in most cases
they are outside and their time Add a comma
cases,
spending
with Replace the word
spent
children
is limited. On the other hand
, in those areas
women's role is working as housewives and some of them are even deprived Add a comma
areas,
from
working outside. So they spend much more time educating their Change the preposition
of
children
and have a closer sensational relationship to
their offspring than Change preposition
with
fathers
. However
, this
imbalanced family relationship structure is harmful Change preposition
to
for
Change preposition
to
children
's physical and mental
Change the adjective
mentally
healthy
on their way Replace the word
health
Change preposition
to
of
growing up.
Fortunately, with the process of feminism and gender equality, an Change preposition
to
inceasing
number of Correct your spelling
increasing
mothers
begin to work and carry on the
financial Correct article usage
apply
supporting
Replace the word
support
while
more fathers
have more time and opportunities to accompany with
their Change preposition
apply
children
and this
is definitely a positive trend. Fathers
can bring bravery, powerfulness and broader horizons to their children
which cannot be provided by most mothers
. With fathers
' education, children
's personality
will Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
development
more completely. On the flip side, in the future Replace the word
develop
mothers
will concentrate more on children
's delicate care, which can make their children
's daily care in
a higher quality. Change preposition
of
Therefore
, although
their educational roles
are not the same in detail, they will shoulder equal responsibilities together for their children
's better development.
In conclusion, the different roles
in parenting result from some traditional and historical reasons. But in the future with the development of the
society and people's change of view, Correct article usage
apply
fathers
and Change noun form
fathers'
father's
mothers
' responsibilitie
will develop as well.Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responsibility
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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the topic of parental roles but lacks depth in its analysis of the reasons for the differences. Ensure to provide a more thorough exploration of the reasons, considering social, cultural, and historical factors.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay displays a clear introduction and conclusion, but the development of ideas lacks coherence and clarity. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively and provide a clearer progression of discussion points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example