Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members how to be good members of society. Others, however believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is sometimes
arguing
Wrong verb form
argued
show examples
that
children
should be taught to become a real member of civilization.
While
a great number of people insist
whether
Correct word choice
that
show examples
these are the permanent
obligation
Fix the agreement mistake
obligations
show examples
of
schools
or
parents
, I think that both have their unique impact on
children
's nurturing.
To begin
with, it is true that
children
are the main expressions of their
parents
. Since the child was born, the
parents
have received enormous duties, which
enforce
Verb problem
force
show examples
them to provide the child with any suitable condition for its
overall
development.
Subsequently
, the
children
's upbringing wholly depends on
parents
.
Moreover
, it is
also
important that
parents
do everything to help their
children
to integrate into
society
properly, without any
suspects
Replace the word
suspicion
show examples
that
children
can neglect the imposed rules of the community. Youngsters, in fact, are more likely to be involved in the crime committed and abolish the family reputation in
society
because of the absence of parental monitoring in their lives.
Thus
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults need to
preserve
Verb problem
protect
show examples
their
children
from
unhealthy
Correct article usage
the unhealthy
show examples
influence of some external powers in order to guarantee the safety of both
children
and
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
community.
On the other hand
,
schools
are
also
responsible for
children
's growth as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productive
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
of
society
. It may seem that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education is the prime goal that
schools
and other institutions pursue, but the reality is that they are able to provide schoolchildren and students with practical skills essential for being
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
part of our modern community. Sociology,
for instance
, is one of the compulsory subjects, which
children
need to investigate during their studies at school or even college. The main principle of
this
subject is to clarify the abstract meanings of some elements and rules of
society
. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
present
Correct subject-verb agreement
presents
show examples
the way in which our
society
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
evolved and even how the values and customs of our ancestors were changed
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
decades.
Nevertheless
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sociology has
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
become an indispensable aspect of the educational system.
To conclude
,
Although
the
parents
and
schools
have different roles to play
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
's lives, I hope that they will be no less pivotal in the future.
Submitted by Saten on

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Structure
Ensure your essay has clear topic sentences for every paragraph. They help the reader follow your line of thought with ease.
Language
Avoid repetitive sentences or phrases. For example, 'how to be good members how to be good members of society'. It disrupts the flow of your essay.
Language
Be mindful of your vocabulary choice. Some words like 'arguing' should have been 'argued' in your context. Proper usage enhances clarity.
Language
Correct inappropriate usage of words. For example, 'it is also present' should be replaced with 'it also presents'.
Language
Ensure to use determiners correctly, for example, 'the sociology' should be 'sociology'.
Content
Make sure every sentence adds value to your argument. 'I hope that they will be no less pivotal in the future.' doesn't add much to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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