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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose.Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sport
It is thought by certain individuals that the sporting
activities
 which have danger involved should be abandoned and I
also
 endorse the aforementioned statement
while
 others believe they should have the freedom to make their own choice. Both sides will be discussed in the essay below with the relevant examples.
To begin
 with, some hold a view that
ban
Correct article usage
a ban
show examples
 should be imposed on the sports that are dangerous as when people try their hands
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 these
activities
, they might not be aware of the risk involved,
hence
, making themselves land in problems that might be harmful to their lives.
For example
,
while
 performing scuba diving if the pressure below the
sea-bed
Correct your spelling
sea bed
show examples
 increases and the person is not able to withstand that
then
, he/she may fall for the situation of bends
along with
 some respiratory issues.
Moreover
, there are times when all cautious measures are taken in order to avoid any mishappenings but uncertain circumstances
such
 as bad weather or sudden currents in the water during a water-sport can bring worse conditions of breathlessness, increased heart rate and much more in the above cases.
However
, it is felt by
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 individuals that they should have the freedom to make a decision about the sporting
activities
 that they want to perform as various personalities believe in trying things out of their zone of comfort and
bestow
Wrong verb form
bestowing
show examples
 themselves the chance to challenge themselves.
For instance
, one acquaintance of mine wished to fly in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 hot air balloon from a slanted cliff of a mountain which was considered unsafe but he wanted to test himself and experience it.
Furthermore
, it is believed by a part of the population that these kinds of sports help
in
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
imbibe fearlessness in themselves,
therefore
, they should not be devoid to choose them, an example of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 is my own getting away from the fear of
height
Fix the agreement mistake
heights
show examples
 when I did paragliding. In a nutshell, In my and some
people'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 viewpoint, the sporting
activities
 that are dangerous should be stopped by banning them as they might be risky to the life of many individuals,
nevertheless
, others feel they should be free to make their own choice as they are the best evaluators of what they wish to try in their lives.
Submitted by tanushree.svc on

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task response
You need to provide a clear opinion in the introduction and a clear conclusion at the end.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear overall structure and connects ideas coherently, but there is room for improvement in linking ideas within paragraphs.
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