IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#inventions #computer #television #people #activity #effect #health
Health is an essential thing that
people
 have to sustain.
However
 these days, the invention of technology
such
 as the computer and television has influenced some
people
, especially in their healthy life. A lack of exercise is a detrimental effect on innovation. From my perspective, I completely agree with
this
 view for several reasons. The main reason why I believe that electronic inventions have a negative effect on
people
’s health is that many
people
, especially for white-collar workers, have to work so much time in front of the screen that can make
people
 sitting whole day and inadvertently. They can suffer obesity since they forget to practise some exercises to make their body fit.
This
 leads to a sedentary lifestyle, which makes it easier for them to be at risk of cardiovascular diseases. Another argument which should be considered is that children nowadays are addicted to playing video games and watching television. To be more specific, they have glued eyes to the screens and reduce
t
Add an article
the
a
show examples
ime for participating in outdoor activities.
This
 makes them become a couch potato and they may suffer from
v
Add an article
a
show examples
isual impairment that can cause inconvenience in their daily life.
Moreover
, the eyes will get tired easily and for a harmful case, it will be blindness for their eyes. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the latest technology has a detrimental effect on society’s health because of many diseases it can bring
such
 as obesity and blindness.
However
, if
people
 can control their screen time, these inventions can be helpful for human’s life in certain activities.
Submitted by Nina Emily on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: