IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

6. There are may different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard enough nowadays?

#music #world #country
Music
 has become an inseparable part of life with the invasion of gadgets, as people listen to it when they are travelling, cooking, working, meditating. With the world becoming a global village, people have access to different types of
music
. It is a debatable topic whether
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
traditional
music
 or international
music
 is more important.
Music
 is used as a therapy as it has been scientifically proven that sound waves at different frequencies impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
 and mental well being of any living being. Learning
music
 at
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 young age improves
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 brain development.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 it is used for farming, as it is proved that calming and soothing
music
 encourages the blossoming of flowers, growth and for better milking of
cattles
Correct your spelling
cattle
castles
. It holds
heritage
Correct article usage
the heritage
show examples
 value of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
culture and helps to express emotion in a very beautiful way. It is a connecting link between two generations. Traditional
music
 is the identity of a region,as it holds cultural values. They are very scientific and systematic. Whereas international
music
 is on a lighter side to compose and easily understood by
common
Add an article
the common
a common
show examples
 man. They are widely accepted irrespective of caste, creed and ethnicity. Largely welcomed than traditional
music
.
For example
; hip-hop, jazz, rap. To conclude, in
music
Correct article usage
the music
show examples
 world both has
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own importance.
However
, Traditional
music
 has more
importanc
Correct your spelling
important
importance
 with regards to a country as it holds tradition and cultural heritage and
also
 it needs to be preserved. To conclude,
Submitted by rju5294 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: