Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollution and housing problems To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statements?
Many individuals think that reducing environmental
pollution
and also
housing Rephrase
apply
problems
can be one of the most viable solutions in order
to prevent illness and disease. In my opinion, although
many diseases that are related to environmental issues can be prevented by reducing pollution
, personally
housing Change the word
personal
problems
should be considered in a wider view. The aim of this
essay is to discuss the argument and it will represent relevant examples.
To begin
with, it is important to bear in mind that environmental pollution
can have many serious detrimental impacts on the human body. For example
, it should be considered that lung cancers are more common amongst
people who have been living in the industrial region Change preposition
among
due to
air pollution
. Furthermore
, even noise pollution
can cause adverse effects on people’s health
conditions mentally. Correct word choice
mental health
Consequently
, doubtlessly considerable effort should be spent by the authorities in order
to provide a better healthy environment to their societies.
Secondly
, the lack of housing rights in conjunction with the absence of the
other fundamental rights Correct article usage
apply
such
as accessibility of clean water and paid employment, are able to cause rampant consequence
on individuals’ health. The improvement of people's condition should be provided by the government Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
however
the sole effort on housing problems
can not be beneficial in order
to prevent illness. Hence
, to create a healthier society, the government should make efforts on the fundamental right
of people in a wider view Fix the agreement mistake
rights
instead
of only solving housing problems
.
To conclude
, many individuals thought
that efforts should be made by the government Wrong verb form
think
for reducing
Change preposition
to reduce
pollution
and housing problem
in Fix the agreement mistake
problems
order
to prevent illness and disease. Environmental pollution
has the potential to cause an adverse impact on humans
health situations Change the noun form
human
nevertheless
this
essay thought that only solving the housing problem should not be an adequate solution to prevent diseases, therefore
it should be dealt with in a larger perspective.Submitted by serhat.kayaa3 on
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task response
Provide a clearer position on the given topic and fully address all aspects of the prompt. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear purpose related to the topic and that the conclusion restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more focused and clearly connected to the main points of the essay. Ensure that there is a clear logical structure within and between paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion.