IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They only care about how much it costs. How true is this statement? What influences people when they buy food?

#people #food #care #costs #influences
As a matter of fact, “Money speaks anywhere”. So, a large number of
people
 focus on the price of goods
such
 as
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
instead
 of their
quality
. I totally agree with
this
 opinion, and in the following essay, I will bring a few reasons. The amount of money which are used to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
consume
Correct subject-verb agreement
consumes
show examples
 a great portion of family income.
Consequently
, family members have to focus on the price
instead
 of their production processes. In fact, tight
quality
 control of
foods
, which
are made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 them healthier, could increase their final prices. So, many
people
keen
Add a missing verb
are keen
show examples
 to buy
foods
 with reasonable prices to eliminate their hunger and get energy, but processes of them and their
quality
 are not located in their priorities. The price of
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 is not the only factor
which is
Verb problem
that
show examples
influenced
Wrong verb form
influences
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 interests.
Although
 affordable prices have significant effects on customers, advertisements and
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of packaging are other important factors with a great influence on
people
.
In other words
, many
people
 buy things if their eyes catch
those
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. It means professional advertisement with a high-
quality
 package,
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 some
foods
 more desirable than others. So, a bunch number of
people
 might be persuaded to buy those
foods
.
To sum up
, in my viewpoint,
although
processes
Correct article usage
the processes
show examples
 of making
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 are critical
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 human
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
show examples
, a lot of
people
 have neglected it
due to
 economic reasons or
as a result
 of advertisements. These conditions may threaten public health, and in my opinion, the government have to manage both of them by social laws.
Submitted by zohalinm on

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task response
Task achievement: The response addresses the prompt but lacks depth and clarity. More specific examples and in-depth analysis are needed.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The structure is somewhat logical, but the introduction and conclusion need improvement. The essay lacks clear transitional phrases between ideas and paragraphs, leading to a lack of cohesion.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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