Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extend do you agree and disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child #health

It is obvious that technology has taken a predominant role in society and its dominance over the entertainment industry is undeniable. Some intellectuals opine that the exorbitant exploitations of TVs and video

games

have the potential to sabotage the adolescent's psychological capabilities. From my perspective, I agree with the aforementioned opinion and my supporting arguments will be given

further

To begin

, some offensive

games

and

Correct your spelling

show examples

programs could result in children becoming more short-tempered and less

socialise

Wrong verb form

socialising

show examples

, resulting in the degradation of mental stability. Many

videogames

Correct your spelling

video games

show examples

create certain virtual tasks

Change preposition

apply

show examples

which players have to accomplish and failing to complete said task could lead to them being in a state of depression and rage.

Moreover

, the competitive aspect of many video

games

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

often really high and losing those

games

has the potential to cause an outburst of anger.

Furthermore

, being addicted to TV and video

games

is a path to a more sedentary lifestyle, which

result

Correct subject-verb agreement

results

show examples

in them being less physically active.

As a result

, multiple health issues could be at play like obesity and might obstruct their all-around development.

In addition

, with the rise of professional esports, many young adults have the delusion that they could make it on the pro scene.

Hence

a decrease in attention to other essential aspects of life like education is ignored,

therefore

affecting their future significantly. In conclusion, the miss utilization of technology could lead to a degradation in both mental and physical health. Parents and teachers should play a role in educating

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

youngsters,

guiding

Correct word choice

and guiding

show examples

them to avoid the harmful effects of addiction.

Submitted by vietnn05 on Sun Jun 20 2021

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task response

The essay addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples to support the argument. However, there are areas that need improvement in order to fully address the task.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there are instances of illogical progression in the development of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more clearly connected to the main body of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extend do you agree and disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that the increasing use of computer and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on the young people reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people think that libraries are a waste of resources and money so computers should replace them. However, others do not agree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

SOME PEOPLE USE SOCIAL MEDIA TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND NEWS EVENT. DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS TECHNOLOGY OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES.

Climate change is a phenomenon that affects countries all over the world. Many people strongly believe that it is the responsibility of individuals, rather than corporations and governments, to deal with this problem. To what extent do you agree?

Some people believe that uniforms at work places aren’t necessary. Do you agree or disagree with it? Give your own opinion and include examples from your experience