The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend?

Overall
Add an article
The overall
show examples
ratio of youngsters who are obese in
western
Capitalize word
Western
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nations like the US, England, Mexico,
Germany
Correct word choice
and Germany
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is
Verb problem
has
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elevated to twenty per cent in past decades. In
this
essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
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discuss the reason and impact of having an unhealthy
lifestyle
.
Firstly
, the main cause for
overweight
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being overweight
show examples
is lack of physical activity and following
up
Change preposition
apply
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the worst
diet
plan
.
For instance
, In India, only 20% of adults are engaging in physical activity,
while
10% of Indians only
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
the proper
diet
plan
.
This
implies that might be an average of 15% of society leads a healthy
lifestyle
. Another reason is eating unhealthy foods like fast foods, under-nutritional products, and so on. Smoking,
drinking
Correct word choice
and drinking
show examples
also
result in a meagre impact on our
lifestyle
.
However
, there is an adverse impact of leading
this
unhealthy
lifestyle
. Primarily, it results in a variety of diseases like cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, and so on.
For instance
, in the US more than 60% of people are dying
due to
heart-related
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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mainly because of not having a healthy
lifestyle
.
Moreover
, obesity can affect our generation too. Fat people tend to produce more stress-induced hormones called cortisol and they are struggling to remember the thing maybe it indirectly connects to memory loss. In conclusion, lack of outdoor activity and not maintaining the proper
diet
plan
is the main cause of
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
and it results in a number of diseases
to
Change preposition
in
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our body.
However
,
this
can be overcome by doing high-intensity
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
and a
high nutritional
Add a hyphen
high-nutritional
show examples
diet
plan
.
Submitted by Mohammed abdul on

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task response
The essay addresses the main causes and effects of a disturbing trend but lacks a clear and well-developed structure. The points are not fully supported with relevant examples, and the conclusion is abrupt and does not summarize the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a coherent and well-organized structure. There is a lack of clear progression of ideas within paragraphs, and the introduction and conclusion could be more effectively developed to provide a stronger framework for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
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