Some say that many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work

Since there has been an increase in the average

life

expectancy, many

individuals

claim that the

age

at which

people

retire from work should be raised significantly. From my perspective, nowadays, our longevity is greater,

however

thy

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

should not be a

considrable

Correct your spelling

considerable

growth in the retiring

age

. In these modern days, I believe ,

individuals

are holding a longer

life

span, comparing with the past, due to an improvement in science and better living standard.

Firstly

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the enormous development in science, it allows

people

to have easy access to

high quality

Add a hyphen

high-quality

show examples

medical treatments and healthcare.

People

may be able to recover completely from some diseases, which were considered to be disastrous and incurable in the past,

such

as leprosy. As a consequence, the

life

expectancy of

individuals

tends to be expanded remarkably.

Secondly

, there has been a sustainable rise in

human

Add an article

the human

show examples

standard of living that provides

people

Add the preposition

with an

show examples

opportunity to put great emphasis on health. Since

people

may lead a superior

life

, a wider range of food and beverage

selection

Fix the agreement mistake

selections

show examples

is available.

In other words

people

have a tendency to contemplate carefully before giving their decision, in order to

preven

Correct your spelling

prevent

people

from having common health problems

Replace the word

show examples

obesity or diabetes.

This

is likely to bring out an increase in the average longevity.

However

, the authority had better not increase the

age

at which

people

retire from work because an alteration may have an adverse impact on the productivity of work and the young generation. As the older an individual get, the more likely

that

Correct pronoun usage

it that

show examples

he will be incapable of having a potential physical statement that he used to have.

As a result

, the quality of his working performance might be decreased, which brings out a reduction in the turnover of a company.

In addition

, the young generation seems to be affected negatively, because they have to compete with the older generation for a position in a business harshly. More

people

will be challenged with unemployment , which

migh

Correct your spelling

might

put a strain on their financial problems. To conclude,

although

I agree with the statement that the

life

expectancy of

individuals

is extended, the retiring

age

should not be changed.

Submitted by khuongquynhnga1997 on Thu Jul 01 2021

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

359 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some say that many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Do you think all students should have to study music? Support your opinion with reasons and examples.

interest in homeschooling is becoming more widespread around the world. in your opinion, should school be compulsory for all children, or should families be allowed the right to choose to educate their children at home?

Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. The ordinary people barely get any advantage with the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case ? Do you think this a positive or negative situation ?

In some countries, children have short school day of 5 hours. In other countries, the school duration is often longer. Does it have more benefits than drawbacks?