IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people believe that social networking sites like Facebook have had a negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
Nowadays social
media
 become so important for some
people
 especially
Facebook
.
Hence
, there are lots of beliefs that
Facebook
 had a negative impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 ushers.
Facebook
 was built for the purpose to get connected to other
people
 or
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 old friends.
However
, now
Facebook
 has more functions than that. Some
people
 try to get
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 from
Facebook
 and they like to send scams through social
media
. I absolutely agree with the statement and I will explain my point of view about
this
 statement. Lots of
fraud
Replace the word
fraudulent
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 are found
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
 especially
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Facebook
. Their main purpose
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 to send invalid
information
 or as known as "hoax" to innocent
people
 so that victims trust
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them and forward
those fraud
Change the determiner
that fraud information
show examples
information
 to others
people
.
People
 should be careful to use social
media
.
Every
Correct quantifier usage
All
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 that had been shared are not 100% valid
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that it is important to know the validation of the
information
.
People
 likely to share their personal
information
 without knowing that it is risky.
For example
,
people
 share their pictures on
Facebook
 and on the picture showing their address, credit card number, etc. Scammers will see it as
opportunity
Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to steal their money through their credit card number.
People
 should be careful
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 how the pictures they wanted to share look like. If it is showing personal
information
, it is not
supppose
Correct your spelling
supposed
suppose
 to be shared so that it saves them from scammers.
Facebook
 can be accessed
every
Change preposition
on every
show examples
devices
Change to a singular noun
device
show examples
.
People
 tend to use many devices to log in to their
Facebook
 account. So that if they change their device and they forget to log out, a new hand user of their device still can access their
Facebook
 account. In some cases, they will send wrong
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 to their
Facebook
 friends and ask for money. In terms of changing device, do not forget to always log out from
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
Facebook
 account. In conclusion, as the internet now is so advanced and
people
 nowadays are so smart about technology, it is important to protect our personal
information
 from social
media
 especially
Facebook
 to avoid the problems that might happen in the future.
Lastly
, there are so many advantages and disadvantages of using social
media
 especially
Facebook
, so
people
 should be aware of these in order to avoid the negative impacts of being a user on social
media
.
Submitted by megasintyadewi on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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