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Band 4.5

Pollution and other environmental problems result from a country’s development. Pollution is unavoidable if a country intends to become richer.

#pollution #country’s #development #country
In modern society,
pollution
 and environmental
problems
 are getting more and more serious, and they are concerned by the whole world.
Pollution
 is always connected with the
development
 of
countries
, so all
countries
 must face these
problems
 directly, especially some developing
countries
. In my opinion,
pollution
 and other environment are difficult to be avoided during
development
, but they can be deducted by some sustainable measurements.
Pollution
 and environmental
problems
 cannot be controlled easily by the
countries
 that are focus on becoming richer.
Firstly
, the process of developing industry causes huge amounts of harmful gas, which will cause serious air
pollution
. The cost of return or reduce
those
Change the determiner
that
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 harmful gas is hard for governments to afford when they need to focus on
development
.
Secondly
, land resources are overused during urbanization. To develop more quickly, governments need to widen the
area
 that
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 by
Add an article
a human
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, so more wild
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 will be occupied for human’s activities. The natural
area
,
such
 as forests and wildlife habitats, will be damaged by urbanization. As the
area
 of cities becoming larger, the
development
 of a country will continuously accelerate, but the loss of natural land resources will be difficultly
avoided
Change the verb form
to avoid
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the government should pay more attention
on
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 sustainability, because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
 and other environmental
problems
 can be partly avoided. With the establishment of SDG goals, more sustainable measurements are taken by many developed and developing
countries
,
such
 as the limitation of Carbon releasing and land
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
.
Also
, more technologies are created for reducing the environmental damages caused by
development
. In brief,
development
 is not only consuming natural resources to reach short-term goals, but
also
 make a more sustainable plan to continuously succeed in
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
.
Therefore
, governments should try to control the harm to nature caused by human’s activities intend to be richer.
Submitted by timmygu0325 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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