Some people think that internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Most
people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that
worldwide
Correct article usage
a worldwide
show examples
network has
build
Change the verb form
built
show examples
a wide range of communication
within
Change preposition
among
show examples
people
,
while
others anticipate that folks and localities
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
remote. Here, I will be discussing both views and give my opinion in the below paragraphs.
Firstly
, In the modern era, computer networking has been increasing day by day. As there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient use in
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
world, through
internet
people
can communicate efficiently.
This
is the source of interaction between the
people
Correct pronoun usage
who lives
show examples
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
in various cities.In the past, we used
mails
Fix the agreement mistake
mail
show examples
and telephones to communicate throughout the globe. But now
Change preposition
apply
show examples
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the invention of the
internet
allows us to reach everyone in just
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Correct article usage
a
show examples
few seconds. The inconvenience of long-distance communication is eliminated through
this
. There are numerous ways
for conveying
Change preposition
to convey
show examples
things
For
Add the comma(s)
, For
show examples
example,
Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
, Skype, Instagram,
Facetime
Correct word choice
and Facetime
show examples
. It has definitely raised the way of interacting with
people
.
Secondly
,
this
technology development has its drawbacks. As tech is massively increasing
people
have their own platforms, where they might be comfortable in
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
. Persons in their own communities meet online through Facebook, Snapchat etc. Without interactions in community
hall
Fix the agreement mistake
halls
show examples
or
residence
Fix the agreement mistake
residences
show examples
. From children to
adults
Add a comma
adults,
show examples
all are isolated by
this
behaviour.
For instance
,
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a recent study in 2016 by the
world
Correct your spelling
World Internet Organization
show examples
internet
organization observed that 95% of teenagers aged 17-18 have a social media presence, more than three or two accounts. In conclusion, in my ,opinion
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
brings
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
together, as it makes socialising and
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
much easier for
work from home
Add a hyphen
work-from-home
show examples
workers. It is a fact that the
internet
has brought more convenience into society and allowed many
people
to be closer.
However
,
people
should take responsibility to balance the use of the
internet
so that other aspects of their lives will not become neglected.
Submitted by tassajay93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Work on providing a more focused and balanced discussion of both sides of the argument. Ensure that each paragraph relates clearly to the overall argument and offers a clear and relevant point.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the structure of the essay by providing a clear introduction that introduces the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed. Additionally, ensure that there is a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and offers a clear opinion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: