IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#effects #drug #people #society #recommendations #fight #youth #abuse
People
 in all modern societies use
drugs
, but today's
youth
 are experimenting with both legal and illegal
drugs
, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example " is a huge problem and causes bad effects for societies.
Firsly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
First
, about the causes. The
Youth
's life
nowsaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 are very quick, dynamic, and more traps. As
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example, In my country - Vietnam. In the big cities,
nightboxes
Correct your spelling
lightboxes
night boxes
, hotels, bars, clubs spreading
undercontrol
Correct your spelling
under control
. Youngers can join the club without any authorities or laws (under 18),
over-night
Correct your spelling
overnight
show examples
partys
Correct your spelling
party
, gang-bang
partys
Correct your spelling
parts
 became common. In those
partys
Correct your spelling
parts
, they try to "test"
drugs
 to find
"good
Correct article usage
a "good
show examples
 feeling", some
people
 use both legal and illegal
drugs
 during sex (in Vietnam most
people
 have sex at 16 ) .
Secondly
, about the effects of
widespread
Add an article
the widespread
show examples
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
show examples
. When use by Young
People
, those have low-budget. That encourage to buy more and more "low quality" illegal
drugs
. Illegal's drug
salers
Correct your spelling
sales
 to be extended.
With both
Change preposition
Both
show examples
 legal and illegal
drugs
 are bad for health, psychology, and as fas as the
economies's
Remove the s
economies'
show examples
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
. In
Add a comma
,may
show examples
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 causes: Hard to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
, unable to do hard-working, bad for
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 situation, become family's risk.
Finally
, recommendations for that " Big Problems". The
Youth
 must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
learn the
Replace the word
effect
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 of
drugs
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their bodies. Choose partners to "play", avoid illegal parties,
nightboxes
Correct your spelling
lightboxes
night boxes
 without any
knowledgement
Correct your spelling
acknowledgement
. The
olders
Correct your spelling
holders
, schools,
goverments
Correct your spelling
government
governments
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to encourage the
youth
 to avoid, increase the prices of legal
drugs
 and take actions with illegal's parties.
Submitted by clairevu5499 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: