IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

#think #children #activities #video #games
Many schools require their students to wear a
school
 uniform, but recently
this
 policy has been criticised as being old-fashioned and even oppressive. In my opinion,
uniforms
 are an essential component of
school
 life and should be maintained for both practical and pedagogical reasons. The main reason for having a uniform policy is that every child can be treated equally. These days there is huge pressure, largely from social media, for young
people
 to look good. Appearances matter to young
people
, and
children
 may suffer from abuse and bullying if their
clothes
 are perceived as ‘uncool’. Having to wear the same
clothes
 ensures that even
children
 from disadvantaged backgrounds look the same as everyone else. The fact that
such
clothes
 are generally inexpensive to buy helps in
this
 regard.
A
Change the article
The
show examples
second
 argument in favour of
uniforms
 is that they give the child a sense of identity and make young
people
 feel that they are part of a close
school
 community within which they can help each other.
This
 sense of belonging is increasingly important in a world where
people
 are becoming more and more isolated by technology.
Finally
, there are practical reasons why the tradition of
school
uniforms
 should be maintained.
Firstly
, they are a cheap and convenient way of making sure
children
 dress smartly, relieving them of the pressure of deciding what to wear on a daily basis
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they can focus their attention on their studies. While some
clothes
 would be incompatible with certain types of classwork,
school
 outfits are designed for comfort and complement the kind of activities that
school
children
 are engaged in. To conclude, I believe that the benefits of
school
uniforms
 far outweigh the drawbacks. If
children
 want to express their individual style and taste through the way they dress, they have plenty of opportunities to do
this
 in their free time.
Submitted by m.azan222 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: