IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
Currently, it is often considered that the government has a responsibility for the fact that
children
 suffer from obesity. I completely agree with
this
 statement and I will explain my opinion in more detail in
this
 essay. One of the reasons why the state plays an important role in solving the overweight problem among youth is that it can provide material support to improve sports industries.
In other words
, the government can build many different facilities related to the sport,
such
 as a fitness centre, swimming pools and many others, which in turn may have a positive effect on adolescents' healthy lives.
For example
, in my country, when politics took measures and built a centre where people had an opportunity to follow
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy lifestyle, it encourage parents and their
children
 to fight obesity.
In addition
, the government has a significant impact on social media in some countries.
Therefore
, in order to help
children
 with their weight problems, the state may provide information about health exercises, a balanced diet and many other useful things with the Internet, television and other media.
Moreover
, the advertising of fitness courses and other services can contribute to a rise in motivation among
children
 to
go to
Add a hyphen
go-to
show examples
 sport.
For instance
, my brother was overweight and did not want to do something with that.
However
, after he watched a video on TV where a new fitness centre in our city suggested joining the new course, he liked
this
 idea and began to go there.
As a result
, he managed to lose weight and became stronger and healthier. In conclusion, the fact that
children
 have obesity is quite common today.
Thus
, I think that governments should take some steps to mitigate
this
 issue.
Submitted by mar16.f on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: