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Band 6

Students should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. Do you agree or disagree with this view

#students #phones #school
It is true that using technological developments
such
 as mobile phones has become increasingly common among people these days . Some people argue that using
this
 gadget should be banned at school . In my opinion , I completely agree with
this
 view and believe that using smartphones
while
 studying can engender several obvious harmful consequences to students.
Firstly
, the excessive usage of
this
 technological device tends to decrease the opportunities for social interaction and physical activities during recess and
lunchtimes
Fix the agreement mistake
lunchtime
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. When scholars have some free time , they tend to entertain themselves with smartphones which provide many ways of amusement
such
 as chatting with friends or playing video games and
then
 they will be more isolated and introverted .
Also
 , rather than engaging in leisure activities at schools
such
 as
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 or
music
Add a comma
music,
show examples
 they will prefer to spend their free time only on
this
 device .
Thus
 , it would be better for them to not use
this
 development at school.
Secondly
, using phones in the classroom can affect negatively the performance of scholars .
In other words
, children are not mature enough to use
this
 device to help them in their studies so they spend time using social media or texting friends rather than focusing on courses and with the teacher .
As a result
 , their concentration in the classroom decreases and they become less focused on what the teacher explains . All these reasons may lead to a decline in their achievement .
For example
, many researchers demonstrate that the removal of phones from classrooms can lead to an improvement in student grades .
That is
 why
this
 gadget should not be allowed to children
while
 studying . In conclusion , despite that smartphones can be helpful for children in some cases , I strongly believe that the excessive usage of
this gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
these gadgets
show examples
 at school remains an unfavourable habit because it tends to decrease social interaction and physical activities and reduce
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
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 achievement .
Submitted by elgalalafatimazahra on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and provides clear supporting details. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and maintain coherence and cohesion.
task response
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task prompt and provide specific examples to support your arguments. Consider examining the counter-arguments to strengthen your response.
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