Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. What extent do you agree?
Homeless
people
are prevalent in every major city across the world. However
, many people
believe the solution for ridding a city of homeless people
is to give them money
, whilst others feel that is
not the way to go. I agree with the notion of
throwing Change preposition
that
money
at the situation as
not Correct your spelling
is
being
the way forward, and I will substantiate my reasoning through the course of Unnecessary verb
apply
this
essay.
First and foremost, we need to understand why is a person homeless. There could be a number of reasons. It could be because they suffer from either drug or alcohol addictions, or mental problems, maybe they are war veterans struggling to adapt to daily civilian life, or maybe they are just people
who fell on hard times. Sections of society believe that if money
is thrown at them then
they will be able to afford housing and food for themselves. For example
, as of now the homeless live aimlessly on the streets, but if given enough finance, they can be able to purchase food and obtain shelter, which will help their survival especially
during the winter months.
Add the comma(s)
, especially
However
, this
only masks the problem
rather than facing it. Unless we truly understand the problem
, we cannot fix it. Giving money
to a drug addict or an alcoholic will not help them to look for housing. Instead
, they will use the money
to purchase more drugs and alcohol. This
is why, first and foremost the government must invest funds in organisations which can help the homeless, understand the problem
and then
, slowly over time fix the problem
.
In conclusion, we should remember “If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime." It is this
same philosophy that must be used in dealing with the homeless.Submitted by Nigelvictorlawrence on
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coherence cohesion
The ideas in the essay are generally well organized and connected, but some improvement can be made in using more linking words and signposts to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite