it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medical research. To what extent do you agree or disagree

In today’s modern society thanks to the advancement in technology (,) There are more and more methods to produce
food
or other products without using
animals
, especially wild
animals
. In my opinion, I believe that there is no need of using to
use
animals
for
food
or manufacture products.  The
first
argument given to support my opinion is that more and more scientific research has proven the benefits of eating plant-based foods and reducing the consumption of meat. there is a great evolution of many aspects of society.
People
are gradually aware of the benefits of eating
vegetables
. We
People
should follow some nutrition experts’ advice that eats to eat more
vegetables
and eat less reduces meats that provide more nutritious because it would help them gain more nutrients
such
as vitamin, even protein which is aware that contain a lot in meat for our health.
Furthermore
, most of us want to have good looking with a slim body that (,) which is the reason why
people
like to eat
vegetables
and fruits than meat. Many fresh ingredients from plants are played
This
is why I believe that
Vegetables
play an essential role in a healthy diet for
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everyone.  In manufacturing, advanced technology allows us
Add the comma(s)
, people,
show examples
people
to produce many goods
such
as clothes, shoes, and medicines and so on without using
materials
from
animals
. We can
use
natural
materials
like wool or man-made
materials
like cotton, silicon and so on. Another reason for avoiding using other
materials
which are alternatives for
animals
that
materials
made from
animals
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
to protect the
animals
' safety.
Although
the government has imposed a tricky ban on wild
animals
hunting, whereas the number of
animals
which is hunted illegally improperly is increasing day by day because of
people
demands on eating and using
use
for medication. Whilst Meanwhile, they can
use
medicine from plants  In conclusion, I entirely agree that there is no need of using to
use
animals
for
food
or other products. We completely
People
can
use
other things like
vegetables
or many other
materials
as alternatives for the
use
of
animals
. to alter
animals
in the manufacture and consume
food
.
Submitted by ngochai4354 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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