Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Many people suppose that a good method to bring individuals from a variety of nations or stages of life is music. I totally agree with
this
opinion due to
the reasons which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, music is a universal form of art. lyrics and rhythm can be listened to by each and every person in this
world, regardless of age, social status, race, or gender. This
is because melodies do not need the same language to be understood as long as it has a wonderful melody that can touch our hearts and resonate with our minds. For instance
, Korean pop sounds are currently well-known in every part of the world, engaging people in different countries and cultures, and it can unite society members from different stages of age.
Moreover
, melodies can evoke strong emotions in individuals of all ages and backgrounds. By way of example, songs composed about family bonds always make audiences feel related to and even touched. In recent decades, the public has used musical sounds as a therapy for anyone who has to deal with various physical and emotional challenges. For example
, lots of patients have found healing and connection thanks to this
method. As a result
, their health becomes better physically as well as
mentally.
To sum up
, even though there are people who think that other factors might affect this
issue, I do agree with this
statement because there are no obstacles when it comes to music which promotes mood and reduces stress.Submitted by TUTOO on
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
While your essay has an introduction and conclusion, they could be strengthened for better impact and clarity. Consider utilising a more powerful thesis statement and summarise your main points more effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but they could be enhanced with clearer and more specific examples. Consider using statistics, factual information, or anecdotal evidence to illustrate your points more convincingly.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the task. While your agreement with the statement is clear, further exploration of potential counterarguments or different perspectives could provide a more rounded discussion.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but at times they could be expressed more comprehensively. Work on expanding your argument by exploring the implications and subtleties of your points to make your response more thorough.
task achievement
Providing specific examples strengthens your essay by grounding your ideas in reality. You have started to do this, but offering more detailed examples from a variety of contexts would enhance your argument's relevancy and persuasiveness.