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Band 5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
It is argued that learners have to cover all expenses for their education because the advantages of a university degree for each person overweight the same for the community.
This
 essay will discuss why
this
 point of view is not correct supporting my opinion with some examples and observations.
Firstly
, the payment for education in the lead famous universities is considerably high and highly likely that some talented and clever children do not have a chance to enter
in
Change preposition
apply
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it. In my opinion, in
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 our society apparently will undergo more losses than benefits, because nowadays the world significantly needs valuable scientists, engineers, medical professionals, etc. It was counted by a recent survey that more than 50% of students chose to make their choice the university following their financial possibilities.
Secondly
, if some educational organisations can't support children by providing some of them free places
then
 the possible outcome could be a poor rate of qualified specialists compared to others. I reckon that one possible compromise might be different scholarships based on the personal learning success of particular students which probably stimulates people to study harder and can increase
university's
Correct article usage
the university's
show examples
 popularity.
For instance
, Cambridge is known as one of the most perspectives and pretty expensive universities with a strong base for future scientists,
however
, it
also
 has some beneficial offers for diligent learners and can cover their running costs that make the education there much affordable. In conclusion,
although
 some experts consider that the educational system is more profitable for individuals rather than for the public, I firmly believe we need a chance to choose the place where to study leaning on not only money but our knowledge and talent. After all, it brings predictable bright sides for the whole world as a higher level of professionals in a vast area.
Submitted by nikulinav2704 on

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Task achievement
Develop your introduction and conclusion to provide a clearer structure for your essay. Ensure that your examples are relevant and effectively support your main points. Work on selecting stronger examples and using clearer transitions between ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using clearer transitions and organizing your ideas more effectively. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and create a more cohesive structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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