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Band 6

Fast food is to blame for obesity in society or gaining too much weight is the responsibility of the individual. What factors contribute to obesity? Why do you think children are becoming obese?

#food #obesity #society #weight #responsibility #factors #children
Processed
food
 is the reason for the overweight of
teenagers
 or the lack of self-awareness is.
This
 essay discusses reasons for being overweight considering different elements;
thereafter
, it clarifies how these elements influence young people. To initiate with, the number of obese
teenagers
 is growing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Many health experts blame processed
food
, which contains huge fats and sugars as the main reason for the overweight of youngsters.
In addition
, self-awareness cannot be ignored as the absence of movement among youths who live in cities. The lack of movement does not assist to burn fat and energy as most of the time is spent on computer games. In Bangladesh,
for instance
, a
recent
Replace the word
recently
show examples
 published report in Magazine “Computer” found that over 80% of local
teenagers
 spent their time on different sorts of computer-related games.
In contrast
, the guidelines from parents are
also
 absent to their kids’ junk-
food
 habits due to their busy lifestyles. Especially, city parents hardly find any time for their
teenagers
 to make them aware of the harmful effects of
these
Change the determiner
this food
show examples
food
.
Furthermore
, there is hardly any space left for the kids to play outdoors
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these big cities.
As a result
, the youths are gaining too much weight. In the United Kingdom,
For example
, the National Health Service published a research report that Over sixty per cent of London
teenagers
 are overweight due to their reluctance to play outdoor games
such
 as Football, Cricket or Tennis. In conclusion, junk
food
 is not the only factor for
teenagers
 gaining weight as the absence of movement ought to be considered whereas the lack of facilities from societies’ to burn youths energy through outdoor sports are a vital factor to control the weight of the kids in my view.
Submitted by toriqul1976 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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