The line chart shows the birth rate in the USA and China from 1920 to 2000

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries, namely the

USA

, Sweden, and

Japan

Overall

, It is clearly shown that the proportion of

people

who were elderly in the

USA

and Sweden increased from 1940 to 2040 with slight drops.

While

Japan

decreases starting from 1940 to 1980 before a sharp rise in the number of

people

aged 65 and over in that country. Looking at the detail, in Sweden, the

elderly

Correct quantifier usage

number of elderly

show examples

people

percentages had gradually increased since 1940. It was about 8% in 1940 and has upgraded gradually from year to year.

Furthermore

, it is forecasted that the measure will keep growing and will strike nearly four times higher, about beyond 25%, in 2040.

On the other hand

, the

USA

also

showed a rise in the amount of elderly. It only started at about 9% in 1940 and has expanded necessarily and is prognosticated to hit 20% in 2040. Turning to

Japan

, It is distinct that there was a minor decline in the number of senior citizens from 1940 to 1990 before it showed an upward trend. It is imagined that the figure will soar compelling from 2030 onwards and reach its peak in 2040.

Lastly

Japan

will become the state with the most elderly

people

among the three provinces and the

USA

is the least.

Submitted by luudang97 on Wed Apr 05 2023

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, japan, people with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.

▼

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

231 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Many individuals believe the student exchange program has some benefits during the studying period. While there are both benefits and drawbacks associated with this topic, the positive aspects take precedence over the disadvantages.

The line chart shows the birth rate in the USA and China from 1920 to 2000

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Living in the countryside is better than living in the city. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some teachers think that international students exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages outweigh disadvantages?