The diagrams below show how chocolate is made and how the price of a chocolate bar is divided up among those involved in the process.

#diagrams #show #chocolate #price #bar #process

The diagram illustrates the stages involved in the process of

chocolate

bar

fabrication

while

the pie chart depicts how the price of a

chocolate

bar

is split.

Overall

, the whole process has more stages from

cocoa

beans, and it is ending with the final product

chocolate

bar

or food industry, respectively. Regarding the pie chart, it can be noticed that the highest percentage of the price is distributed to the cost of ingredients

while

the smallest one goes to the farmer.

However

Add a comma

,However

show examples

the first step from the diagram illustrates how raw

cocoa

grinded

Correct your spelling

ground

show examples

, having

as a result

cocoa

liquor and waste.

Furthermore

, it is produced industrial

chocoloate

Correct your spelling

chocolates

which is blended with

cocoa

butter and sugar, and in the end results

chocolate

bar

On the other hand

cocoa

liquor pressed has a result

cocoa

butter or powder which have other utilities. Regarding the pie chart, the costs of ingredients and supermarkets receive roughly a third of the price of the total. Ranked

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

third place are taxes with 15%

while

the revenue for the

chocolate

company is just 10%. At least, the farmer

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

receives no more than 4%.

Submitted by iftenevlad on Thu Jun 29 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words chocolate, bar, cocoa with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.

▼

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

189 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultivation
harvesting
extraction
fermentation
drying
roasting
grinding
chocolate liquor
price distribution
stakeholders
retail price
environmental impact
social impact
deforestation
unfair labor practices
fair trade
organic farming
innovations
disease-resistant
sustainable production

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The diagrams below show how chocolate is made and how the price of a chocolate bar is divided up among those involved in the process.

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Societies produce more and more waste as they become more developed. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

"Some people think that the government should provide free education at every level. Others believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to pay for their education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion."

Many people believe that individuals over 65 should not be allowed to continue working. Other think people should be allowed to work for as long as they choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion.