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Band 5.5

the two pie charts illustrate how many online sales for retail sectors in Canada completed in the 2005 and in the 2010.

the two pie charts illustrate how many online sales for retail sectors in Canada completed in the 2005 and in the 2010.
#two #sales #sectors #canada
the
Capitalize word
The
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 two pie charts illustrate how many online sales for retail sectors in Canada
completed
Add a missing verb
were completed
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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2005 and
in
Change preposition
apply
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the
Change the article
apply
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2010.
Overall
, there are 4 areas that certainly
being competitive
Wrong verb form
compete
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to
Change preposition
with
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 each other
Electronics
&Appliance, Food&Beverage,
Home
Furnishings
, Video games Obviously, on the first graph
it is clear that
Correct article usage
an
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immense amount of people prefer to afford electronic stuff, neither of the rest attractive products
couldn’t
Rephrase
could
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 reach 30% at least like the
Electronics
 and Appliance.
Furthermore
, in the 2005
graphic
Fix the agreement mistake
graphics
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absolutely
Change the word
absolute
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 leader with marvellous sales is
Electronics
Correct article usage
the Electronics
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 sector,
despite
Capitalize word
Despite
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 these factors Food & Beverage
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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made an astonishing comeback in 2010 and overcame
Electronics
 with
2
Correct article usage
a 2
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per
cents
Change the noun form
cent
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 difference.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 there is
also
race
Correct article usage
a race
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 between
Home
Furnishings
 and Video Games,
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 start
from
Change preposition
for
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Home
Furnishings
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 difference
7
Change preposition
of 7
show examples
per
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
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 from
Add an article
an outsider
the outsider
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outsider
Fix the agreement mistake
outsiders
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,
eventually
Add a comma
,eventually
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 it came up
difficultly
Change the word
difficult
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 for
Home
Furnishings
,
unexpected
Correct article usage
an unexpected
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 downgrade from 25% to 15%. Enormous anarchy for
Home
furnishings
,
however
 excellent opportunity for Video Games.
Consequently
, it’s
“ piece
Correct article usage
a “ piece
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 of cake” for
Electronics
 sales, they were most sustainable compared to each other. Food&Beverage represented
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 impulsive break of structure with 10 per
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
show examples
 of rose.
Other
Correct article usage
The other
show examples
 two zones created fluctuations and didn’t
altered
Change the verb form
alter
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 mind changing
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words home, furnishings, electronics with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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